Say it.

I ... don't know...

What's going to happen?

Will it be like this forever?

I...just want to light ...*inhale*

*exhale*

Breathing.

Words.

Sense.

Anyone?

Not even you?

Tick tock tick tock.

Ticks.

Go Away.

Why does it still feel this way?
I thought I had fixed it...
but it hasn't gone away.
What can I do?
I think I'll have to stay.
It's too much to leave.
I can't leave now.
I don't want to leave now.
I won't leave.

Love, Wallflower.

Torn.

It seems I can't do it...There's this invisible force pulling me towards him...I feel like there's something there.
I'll always be in the safe zone.
I don't want to lose this.
It's too much.
I just want to relive the past few years.
They're over so quickly.

I wish so badly that I could redo all this...maybe it would've been different.
Maybe I would be happy.

Love,
Wallflower.

Not hungry.

No one.




Fuck off.

True.

Ugh, I'm really not looking forward to going back to school...
Not looking forward to seeing all those people everyday...
All those idiots.

wait, they don't love you like i love you

Maybe it doesn't matter how much I love you
or how much you love me
because maybe,
one day,
you'll leave me anyway.

Shoot me.

Even though I don't know what's wrong, I blame myself for it.
It has to be my fault, it's always my fault.
It can't be you.
It must have been me.
But what did I do?

Tell me I belong

Even though I know I never will.

Hands floating up to the surface

Breaking the silent and still





I can't do this I can't do this I can't do this



I went to Chapters today, and when I went into the bathroom stall, I saw all these optimistic messages. All of the messages were written in pen, and the hand writing seemed similar. I knew what kind of people they were.

I had my (beloved) Sharpie. I crossed out one of the messages.
I wrote things too. They were just different.
Why?
Because I felt like it.
I felt like they didn't understand at all what being sad was like.

So fuck you.
Just because I said so.
And I don't care.

Happily Ever After, brides.

I hope I end up happy.

Love always,
-Wallflower.

P.S. I just watched Bride Wars and I'm feeling a bit sentimental.

Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was the biggest disappointment ever, out of all the other movies.
The other movies were acceptable and a fairly good representation of the book (although I was a bit disappointed in Order of the Phoenix), this movie...sucked. Maybe I just don't like the David Yates direction.

Anyway, referring to this picture above, why the hell is Cho there? She doesn't even appear in the movie. Neville is hardly there too.

There were so many things that didn't even happen in the book! They shouldn't have put it in the movie. Instead, they should have put in the scenes that actually occurred in the book itself.

On technical notes, the music...I didn't think it was done very well. It just didn't seem to suit the film.
The lighting was also terrible. There was too much hard lighting! It was not necessary at all! They made the whole movie seem so dull and colourless too. Although it's gloomy, it's not THAT sad. The ending was super disappointing too, as they did not conclude the way the book did, and I thought the book had a fine conclusion.

I was also slightly disappointed in the acting, although they did fine jobs in the other movies, I think they could've done better. But then again, they've grown up quite a bit so that may be a factor. Speaking of acting, Alan Rickman performed wonderfully, as expected. And Professor Slughorn! WHAT?! He wasn't like I imagined at all, they could've at least put the effort in to give him a moustache, as he was supposed to have one.

And while they were in the cave, the basin was supposed to be glowing GREEN because of the liquid in it. GRR, why couldn't they do something as simple as that?!

Not to mention the fact that if the viewer hasn't read the book, they will no doubt be confuzzled at many points in the movie.

Well, I guess that's all. I really needed to let this out somewhere and rant on about it.

-Wallflower.

Keep me closer, I'm a lazy dancer.

I can feel it in my bones
Gimme sympathy
after all of this is gone,
who would you rather be?
The Beatles or the Rolling Stones
Come one baby play me something
like Here Comes the Sun



You have no idea
what I feel.

Yours truly,
-Wallflower.

But where's your heart?

These bright lights...

I see you lying next to me
with words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead?
Asleep or DEAD?
DEAD.

Saying I want to die.
But you'll never hear.

I will walk this world alone.

Cure me...

-Wallflower

Note to self.

I want your love. Love is a sweet killing specialization. Am I sweet?


So I've realized I went through stages of depression.
It used to be : "I hate my life, everything around me sucks, and fuck the world."
But now it's : "What the fuck am I doing? I could be LIVING. Why aren't I? Because I'm fucking pathetic, and I hate myself."

You say that I have so much to be happy about. You're right. But how come I'm not?
You don't understand...it's not the life around me...it's just me...
I can't tell you.

My goodness...What am I going to do?
Why am I such a terrible person?
I wish I wasn't me.
I wish I was better.
I wish I lived the life I wanted to live.


But then again, who's actually living nowadays?


-Wallflower.

Send us a blindfold, send us a blade.

This helplessness...
This uselessness...
I am helpless and useless.

This feeling of not being able to help my love, is terrible.

Sometimes, I get this feeling.
It feels like there's a whole in my chest, and it compresses and compresses but it just doesn't seem to disappear.

I really don't like that feeling.

It's the feeling of being really unhappy, and sometimes that feeling just comes to me...it just comes and goes constantly.

I don't want to make you sad by being sad, but I can't help but care for you.

Goodnight.
-Wallflower

P.S. I love you =]

flowerchild

I think we're all trying to grow up too fast. We don't realized how precious our childhood is...we don't realize how much fun we have. When we're kids, we wish we were older. When we're old, we wish we were kids.
We only live once.
Let's try to make the most of it...

I love you.
-Wallflower

Come back! I love you.

My very first post.

Hello.

I am Wallflower.
That is the name I have chosen.
Who knows? Maybe my identity will change again. Maybe I'll get bored.
I know I'm bored right now.
Bored of life.
Bored of high school.
Bored of my family.

Tonight I realized I'm alone.
Even if people say they care for me.
Even if the person I love with all my heart says they'll be there for me.
I still feel alone.
I wish I didn't feel like this.
I wish the person I love was happy.

If you knew me, you wouldn't think that. At all.
You wouldn't see it unless you really look.
One person has noticed it. The person I love.

No one is going to read this.
So I can say: Fuck you. Fuck you all. No, fuck myself. I've screwed my life up.
The past week, I've really been wishing I could just start it all over.
Maybe then I'd be happy.
I'm not the person who I wish I was, who I wanted to be. I don't think I'll ever be that person either.
I wanted to be one of those people who LIVED.
People say it's not too late.
You know what? Fuck you too.
But maybe you're right.
The thing is, to be the person I want to be, I'll probably end up being screwed anyway.
I'd feel guilty for not being responsible of my family.

Oh my goodness, if only you knew how much I love you.

I don't think you know what I mean when I tell you that you are my life.
You ARE my life.
You ARE my life.
You ARE my LIFE.

I can't express myself properly.
So I'm sorry, my love, that you can't understand how I feel.
It's my fault.
It's ALL my fault.
EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT.
THIS LIFE IS MY FAULT.

I'm so sorry for being completely pathetic and for being who I am.
I hate it.

Sayonara. Pour maintenant.
-Wallflower.