But where's your heart?

These bright lights...

I see you lying next to me
with words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead?
Asleep or DEAD?
DEAD.

Saying I want to die.
But you'll never hear.

I will walk this world alone.

Cure me...

-Wallflower

Note to self.

I want your love. Love is a sweet killing specialization. Am I sweet?


So I've realized I went through stages of depression.
It used to be : "I hate my life, everything around me sucks, and fuck the world."
But now it's : "What the fuck am I doing? I could be LIVING. Why aren't I? Because I'm fucking pathetic, and I hate myself."

You say that I have so much to be happy about. You're right. But how come I'm not?
You don't understand...it's not the life around me...it's just me...
I can't tell you.

My goodness...What am I going to do?
Why am I such a terrible person?
I wish I wasn't me.
I wish I was better.
I wish I lived the life I wanted to live.


But then again, who's actually living nowadays?


-Wallflower.

Send us a blindfold, send us a blade.

This helplessness...
This uselessness...
I am helpless and useless.

This feeling of not being able to help my love, is terrible.

Sometimes, I get this feeling.
It feels like there's a whole in my chest, and it compresses and compresses but it just doesn't seem to disappear.

I really don't like that feeling.

It's the feeling of being really unhappy, and sometimes that feeling just comes to me...it just comes and goes constantly.

I don't want to make you sad by being sad, but I can't help but care for you.

Goodnight.
-Wallflower

P.S. I love you =]

flowerchild

I think we're all trying to grow up too fast. We don't realized how precious our childhood is...we don't realize how much fun we have. When we're kids, we wish we were older. When we're old, we wish we were kids.
We only live once.
Let's try to make the most of it...

I love you.
-Wallflower

Come back! I love you.

My very first post.

Hello.

I am Wallflower.
That is the name I have chosen.
Who knows? Maybe my identity will change again. Maybe I'll get bored.
I know I'm bored right now.
Bored of life.
Bored of high school.
Bored of my family.

Tonight I realized I'm alone.
Even if people say they care for me.
Even if the person I love with all my heart says they'll be there for me.
I still feel alone.
I wish I didn't feel like this.
I wish the person I love was happy.

If you knew me, you wouldn't think that. At all.
You wouldn't see it unless you really look.
One person has noticed it. The person I love.

No one is going to read this.
So I can say: Fuck you. Fuck you all. No, fuck myself. I've screwed my life up.
The past week, I've really been wishing I could just start it all over.
Maybe then I'd be happy.
I'm not the person who I wish I was, who I wanted to be. I don't think I'll ever be that person either.
I wanted to be one of those people who LIVED.
People say it's not too late.
You know what? Fuck you too.
But maybe you're right.
The thing is, to be the person I want to be, I'll probably end up being screwed anyway.
I'd feel guilty for not being responsible of my family.

Oh my goodness, if only you knew how much I love you.

I don't think you know what I mean when I tell you that you are my life.
You ARE my life.
You ARE my life.
You ARE my LIFE.

I can't express myself properly.
So I'm sorry, my love, that you can't understand how I feel.
It's my fault.
It's ALL my fault.
EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT.
THIS LIFE IS MY FAULT.

I'm so sorry for being completely pathetic and for being who I am.
I hate it.

Sayonara. Pour maintenant.
-Wallflower.